Fog On The Tyne Is All Mine All Mine – Lindisfarne

Recently came across this excellent recording of Lindisfarne singing “fog on the tyne” courtesy Of BBC4, The Old Grey Whistle Test & YouTube.

The Best Salesmen Are Geordies – A Fishy Tale

Geordie moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a sales job.

Mohamed Al Fayed was doing the interviews and asked Geordie whether he had any sales experience?”

Well ah was a canny salesman back in Newcastle, but the firm closed down so ah thought I’d try me luck in London”.  After a few more questions Mr Al Fayed decided he liked Geordie and gave him the job.

On Geordies first day on the job he managed to only sell to one customer and after the store was locked up, Al Fayed came down and asked “OK, Geordie how many sales did you make today?”

Geordie said “Ah just selt to the one person Man”. Al Fayed groaned and exclaimed,  ” Geordie, our sales people average of 20 sales a day, I thought you said you were good? How much was the total sale?

” Whey aboot 120 grand like” replied Geordie … Al Fayed nearly choked and exclaimed “£120,000 ! what the hell did you sell him?”

“Well said Geordie, forstly ah sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook and then ah sold him a new fishing rod.

Then ah asked him where he was gannin to go’ fishing and he said well probably down the coast, so ah took me chance and told him he would be best off fishing off a boat and escorted him down to the boat department where ah sold him a twin-engine Power Cat.

He then said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so ah took him doon to the car sales room and persuaded him to trade it in for a 4 x 4 Suzuki”.

An even more incredulous Al Fayed said “You mean to tell me…. a customer came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a fish hook, a fishing rod, a boat and a 4×4?

“Why nah man Mr Al Fayed……he actually came in here to buy a box of tampons for his girlfriend, so  ah said … Well, since your weekend’s up the spout, you might as well gan fishing”

The Risks Of Too Much Newcastle Brown Ale

Researchers at Newcastle University have released the results of  recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in Newcastle Brown Ale.

Geordie Men should take a concerned look at their brown ale consumption, because a new theory suggests that because the beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoeostrogens) Geordies who drink to much of the popular ale eventually turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men were given 8 bottles of brown each within a 2 hour period.

It was then observed that an amazing 99% of the Geordie test subjects:
1.) Gained weight
2.) Talked excessively without making sense
3.) Became overly emotional
4.) Couldn’t drive
5.) Failed to think rationally
6.) Argued over nothing
7.) Had to sit down while urinating
8.) Refused to apologize even when obviously wrong
Kind of proves the theory really image

How To Tell If You’re A Geordie

british_by_birth_geordie_by_grace_of_godYou know your a Geordie if

 

 

 

 

  1. The metro is both a train & somewhere where you buy stuff
  2. You used to or still do pray to the Gods Shearer, Keegan & Robson
  3. You often end some of your sentences with “man” or “like”
  4. You’re not taking the mickey when you say “Why Aye Man”
  5. If your a lass Cheryl Cole is your idol and if your a lad you think “she’s alreet her like”
  6. If your under 35 Alan Shearer was your idol when you were growing up
  7. You often buy a Greggs pastie for your breakfast or dinner
  8. You don’t wear a coat to go out clubbing in the toon (Newcastle) even if it’s snowing or raining
  9. You know  the word “Canny” has more than one meaning
  10. You love Chip Stotties
  11. If your a girl you sometimes drink pints through a straw
  12. Ganning clubbing in South Shields makes a refreshing change
  13. You visit the Tynemouth Sea Life Centre at least once a year
  14. Your mam or dad used to party on the Tuxedo Princess
  15. You order gravy with your chips and nobody thinks it’s weird
  16. Banter means you can totally slag someone off but no-ones allowed to get upset
  17. It’s normal for you to say “Ye Alreet” to everyone (even strangers)
  18. Unlike the rest of the UK you know the difference between Geordies, Mackems & Smoggies
  19. ?
  20. ?

 

 

Any Others You Can Think Of? If So Add Them Below

Geordie Bin Laden Living Alright

Even Osama Bin Laden isn’t safe from Geordie satirists

In the following video he appears to be safe and well and letting us all know he is “Living Alright” by singing the Geordie song we all know so well from Auf Wiedersehen Pet.

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